Have you ever stopped before you even started? Maybe you didn’t apply for a job because you thought you wouldn’t get it. Or you avoided asking someone out because you were certain they’d say no. This is self-rejection, and it’s holding you back far more than you realize. It’s time to stop jumping to the worst-case scenario and start giving yourself a chance. Because here’s the truth: you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
The Trap of Assuming the Worst
Self-rejection happens when you dismiss yourself before anyone else even gets the chance to. It’s essentially self-sabotage. A salesperson assumes a prospect won’t be interested, so they don’t call. A woman decides she’ll never have the fitness level she wants, so she doesn’t join the gym. An employee believes they’re not qualified for a promotion and doesn’t bother applying. Notice the common thread here? None of these examples are actual rejections—they’re imagined ones.
This mindset is irrational because it turns imagined failure into guaranteed failure. If you never try, you never get the chance to succeed. Motivational speaker Zig Ziglar summed it up perfectly when he said, “Fear has two meanings: Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise. The choice is yours.”
Fear has two meanings: Forget Everything And Run or Face Everything And Rise. The choice is yours.
Why Self-Rejection is a Barrier
There are two main reasons why self-rejection is so damaging. First, it robs you of opportunity. Success in life—whether in business, relationships, health, or anything else—requires action. Second, it feeds a cycle of fear and self-doubt. The more you convince yourself you can’t, the harder it is to believe you can.
Take fitness, for example. Skipping the gym because you think you’ll fail means you don’t get stronger or healthier. Over time, you convince yourself the dream is impossible—which reinforces your decision not to try. Or in business, avoiding calls because you fear “no” means you miss potential clients who could’ve said “yes.”
Here’s an important fact to remember: Nearly every success story starts with risk. Success Guru Denis Waitley said, ”Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.” You will miss some chances, that’s inevitable. But saying no to yourself guarantees you’ll miss all of them.
Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.
The Law of Averages (SINALOA)
Now, let’s talk about the concept of SINALOA, or Safety in Numbers and Law Of Averages. This principle can transform the way you face rejection. The idea is simple—the more attempts you make, the more likely you are to succeed.
Imagine you’re throwing darts at a target. If you take one throw, the odds of hitting the bullseye are slim. But if you throw 100 darts, the chance of hitting your mark skyrockets. The same applies in life. A salesperson making 100 calls will find customers—even if most say no. Someone applying for 10 jobs is far more likely to get an offer than someone who applies for one.
Understanding the law of averages helps you see rejection not as failure, but as part of the process. Rejections are simply stepping stones to your eventual “yes.”
How to Overcome Self-Rejection
Here’s the good news—you don’t have to stay stuck in self-rejection. You can break free with a few key strategies:
- Shift Your Mindset. Start by reframing how you view rejection. Rather than seeing it as the end, see it as a necessary part of growth. Remember Thomas Edison’s words, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” Every missed shot brings you closer to success.
- Focus on Effort, Not Just Outcomes. I’ve said this a million times in seminars and to coaching clients. Write it down. Memorize it. Live by it. “You cannot choose your results. You can only choose your disciplines. Your disciplines will choose your results for you. Therefore, celebrate the discipline and not the result.” Instead of worrying about whether you’ll succeed, focus on giving your best effort. You can’t always control results, but you can control what you put into it. For example, celebrate preparing for the interview rather than stressing about getting the job. Over time, consistent effort leads to success, even if progress feels slow.
- Use the Power of Numbers. Apply the principle of SINALOA. Reach out to multiple prospects, apply to several opportunities, or go on more dates. The more chances you create, the less impact any single “no” will have.
- Rely on a Support System. Don’t face the battle alone. Surround yourself with people who encourage you—friends, mentors, or a group working toward similar goals. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Having someone cheer you on can make all the difference.
- Set Measurable Goals. Define clear, achievable objectives. Instead of saying, “I’ll call a lot of clients,” aim for, “I’ll make five calls a day.” Concrete goals keep you moving forward and track your progress.
- Celebrate Your Wins—Big and Small. Recognize every success, no matter how minor. Whether it’s sending your first email or completing your first workout, each step deserves acknowledgment. Positive reinforcement motivates you to keep going.
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
Your Breakthrough Awaits
Self-rejection isn’t protecting you—it’s keeping you from the life you want. Imagine if you never dismissed yourself again. What could you achieve? Who could you become?
Wayne Gretzky famously said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” It’s a simple but powerful reminder that success requires trying. There will be rejections along the way, yes. But if you keep stepping up, you’ll find your “yes.”
Don’t give up before you even start. Take the chance, make the call, submit the application, or step inside the gym. Your breakthrough is waiting—on the other side of that first step.
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This is so inspiring! Causing me to take a look at what the fear is and how am i using to run or rise!